Day: January 8, 2018

This Year My Resolution Is...

On a recent search regarding New Years resolutions, I found multiple suggestions for starting the year off right. These included:

The Ultimate List of New Years Resolutions
25 Goals for 2018
42 Tips to Get Skinny, and many more.

In fact, my search revealed 24 million sites. No doubt, people are optimistic and resolved to make changes in their lives during the coming year.

Making Resolutions vs. Keeping Them

Yet, the problem isn’t with making resolutions; it’s with keeping them. According to Nielson analytics, in 2015 losing weight was tops among resolutions. Yet, only 64% continued to pursue that goal a month later and 46% after 6 months. Ultimately, only 14% of adults actually achieved their resolutions.

Unfortunately, the same is true with most resolutions. Simply stated, achieving them often involves delayed gratification and we don’t want to deprive ourselves of anything.

According to Psychology Today there are also other reasons. For example, psychologist Tom Pychyl argues that resolutions are cultural procrastinations. People want to reinvent themselves, but they’re slow to change bad habits that cause failure.

Peter Herman also notes that people set unrealistic goals inconsistent with their internal view of themselves. When that happens not only do they fail, but also the failure damages their self-concept.

Finally, through MRIs, neuro-scientists discovered that habits come from thinking patterns that create neural pathways. Those pathways become defaults for behavioral decisions. Changing behavior requires creating new pathways that come from new thinking.

Accordingly, in 2018, I propose that we consider changing bad habits, setting achievable goals and creating new pathways, by embracing some new thinking:

Listening to One Another

A recent poll revealed, 70% of Americans think political incivility has reached “crisis” levels. The pollsters noted that many Americans avoid controversies, fearing they’ll be perceived as uncivil. Most (86%) have been victims of incivility, and 74% believe manners and behavior have declined.

The late Chuck Colson said that people who can’t restrain their baser instincts and operate with civility, aren’t capable of self-government. “Without virtue, a society can be ruled only by fear, a truth that tyrants understand all too well.”

Accordingly, civil self-government means that we must be willing to listen to voices that may not agree with ours. That really is the essence of civil discourse (something that seems to be lacking lately).

Respecting One Another

What happened at Berkley and Charlottesville was not civil discourse. In our democracy being “on the winning side” is important, but equally important is how we treat one another in the process, regardless of our views.

It’s much easier to outshout or outmuscle the opposition, but where does that lead us, to tyranny? Chaos from conflict exists in any relationship including those in organizations. Yet, the secret to prosperity and health is not avoiding chaos, but working through it in thoughtful and civil ways. However, that requires showing respect for both people and disparate views.

Loving One Another

Well, why love someone who embraces an opposing position? That’s really the point. Listening and respecting one another sometimes leads to better decisions because we better understand the other person. When we work through the chaos together, we may even find friends on the other side.

The Apostle Paul said it well in 1 Corinthians 13, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I give away everything and give up my body that I may be burned but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

Have a Happy New Year and please try to listen, respect and love one another more! You may be surprised at what you’ll find!

by Len Moisan

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